René Gronum shares her testimony of losing a baby and a 3-year journey of tears and pain, getting to the moment where it came full circle.
My life 3 years ago turned out much different to what I thought it would. I had a miscarriage to our baby girl at 20 weeks in January 2015. A few months later I was pregnant again only to find out at my 8-week scan that I have a blighted ovum. Meaning you are pregnant but there is no baby.
After my first miscarriage to our baby girl Chantene God spoke tremendously a lot to me, I got scripture constantly telling me that God has got this under control.
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God”
I had a severe case of endometriosis as a young girl and used to suffer with severe pain. I gave natural birth to our daughter and had a God encounter like never before, God’s presence of peace came over me during labor. And in that very moment I knew everything would be okay if I just keep my eyes focused on God. At my 8 weeks check-up I found I no longer had endometriosis. My gynae explained one out of every 3 women that has it are cured after birth, and I was that one out of 3. God gave me a reward for my faith in Him. I now going on 3 years later do not suffer from any pain anymore.
Few months later I wanted to take control again and was adamant that I wanted a baby. I wanted to become a mother! Instead of talking to God about it, I had made up my mind and 3 weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test.
The excitement was overwhelming as I was holding that test, my husband was hesitant to get his hopes up again. I believed that this time I was going to have a healthy baby.
On my 8-weeks scan I got the horrible news and I was devastated. It felt like my whole world was falling to pieces. I felt rejected by God and hurt that this could happen to me AGAIN. For a long while I battled with the thought of WHY that had to happen to me.
Until I surrendered it ALL to God. I found my answer. I was disobedient to God and never turned my eyes to Him, instead I made that decision all on my own. Had I done things differently I wouldn’t have gone through all the pain I caused myself. God want us to turn to Him and not lean on our own understanding.
One morning during my quite time in March 2017 my heart was yearning for a child again. Knowing the lesson, I learned I spoke to God and He showed me a vision of my baby girl now as a two-year-old and I remembered the words “You do have a child in Heaven”
And it clicked I do have a child! Suddenly my desire was gone and I had this amazing sense of peace that came over my heart.
Being me, I went and told my husband what an amazing experience I just had and said I am happy with just him for the rest of my life, no babies for us.
A month later a week before Angus Buchan’s IT’S TIME, I came across the story of Hannah. Not remembering everything I read as a child I read the whole story. I thought to myself I can learn from the way Hannah prayed (never once thinking about a baby).
The following week Saturday we arrived at ITS TIME. The build-up of the morning was so intensely filled with the Holy Spirit. I knew God had a divine purpose for each person being there. Then uncle Angus prayed and asked that the barren women and their husbands that desire a family to please stand up, and haven’t giving it to God, I kept seated. My husband turned and said, “Could you please stand up” and I looked at him and thought “did you not remember what I told you last month”. Needless to say I was being submissive and stood up. As soon as uncle Angus started praying I heard “now you pray Hannah’s prayer”. Tears running, I prayed her prayer and knew that God was going to fulfill His promise.
A week later my mom and I had the privilege to go to Hillsong’s Women’s Colour Conference in Cape Town. Just before the weekend ended I prayed and just asked God for one more sign. And then Bobby Houston played a video clip of them in Jerusalem earlier that year and her words were “As they got to the temple of Shiloh she felt the Lord telling her that she need to tell the Hannah’s out there to Be still and know that I am God”
3 Years of tears and pain came to this moment where it came full circle.
9 Months later 5 January 2018 we got to hold one of the greatest gifts that God has to offer. The pure joy and light that I see in my daughter’s eyes reminds me of the honour and privilege it is to raise a child after God’s own heart.
And today I know I would do it all over again, no changes!